Honesty

Sometimes a little bit of brutal honesty is in order. It isn't in order all of the time of course; then one might be in danger of actually improving one's state instead of just whining about it. Anyhow, lemme get to the meat of it. I failed. Today I went into my 2k test and performed worse than was expected of me. Not only did I fail to reach my goal, I was actually significantly slower than I was on my previous test. I also gained ten pounds in the interval. The combination of these two factors effectively sets me back 8 seconds. 8 seconds is a life time on a 2k. I could blame it on lack of sleep or poor nutrition or any number of factors, but the real truth is I was weak. I didn't push myself and I haven't been pushing myself for some time now. The lost ground was made apparent today in comparison to the significant gains made by the other A boat rowers. Any gains I will make between now and the end of the season will have to come now not only from physical gains but also from increased mental toughness. I can't accept failure. I can't give up because it hurts. Giving up in the face of adversity has defined me for too long and I want to do something about it. I'd like to be a person who is strong and doesn't falter when an actual challenge arises. In short, I'd like to persevere. I will have another chance to prove myself in two days. If I accomplish my goals, then perhaps the failure was a fluke and I am strong. If I fail to accomplish my goals then I think a serious re-evaluation of my person is in order. I would truly hate to be the person I fear I might be.